25/07/2011
It has been a while since we posted new stuff on here but we really wanted to publish some interesting stuff
THIS AIRPLANE WAS AT THE NIAGARA FALLS AIRPORT RECENTLY (TWICE)TO LOAD COMPRESSORS TO FLY DIRECTLY TO
SAUDI ARABIA .
32 wheels! - The World's Biggest Airplane, the Russian Antonov 225. Attached pictures are of the Russian
Monster when it landed.
While they were loading the helicopters, the Russian pilots (two crews), went into town to buy cigarettes
by the case and Levis jeans. It is amazing something this huge can stay in the air.
I think it is time for a funny video or so for this month. Here are some funny aviation videos to put you in a good mood.
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world. Remember that the conversations are heard by all pilots on that frequency in that area.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a little peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant.
"It took us a while to find a new pilot."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Indeed!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
by Llewellyn Devitt
Back in 1977, a friend of mine who owned a Cessna 172 had it serviced in Margate and started making plans to fetch it.
I had only just got my PPL and had only about 60 hours of flying to my name, but he asked me and two other friends to accompany him to Margate in the Witbank Flying Club's Piper 180 for the weekend.
Everything went well with the four of us in the Piper, but when we reached Volksrust the weather closed in badly and it started pouring. The cloud base was descending and I noticed fog building up underneath us. I saw a hole in the fog and decided to descend through it, only to find ourselves in a valley with mountains all round. This meant we could only fly in circles…
Our only hope seemed to be a small farm road that wasn't even straight all the way. After a few short discussions I decided to put her down and, thankfully, landed successfully. There was no one in sight and nothing around except the rest of the dirt road. So we decided to taxi down the road and eventually came across a farmhouse with its back door facing the road. The space through the fence was just wide enough for the airplane, so we taxied into the yard and to the front of the house.
The farmer and his wife were sitting on the porch and couldn't believe what they were seeing when we came around the corner. It was only after we disembarked that we realized that a couple of farmers were following us with tractors and bakkies after seeing us land.
They were all so amazed and surprised that they felt that a celebration was in order. We ended up having a breakfast braai at 9:00 in the morning and then had to wait until about 15:00 for the weather to clear. We took off from the same dirt road we’d landed on, with our new friends waving us off. We became great friends with the farmers and communicated for years after our "emergency pitstop" en route to Margate.
Read older Pilot's Pen stories